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Remember the sweet feeling of innocent childhood ignorance?  Childhood was so simple and carefree.  Days full of imagination and wonder.  Chasing butterflies, climbing trees, and being amazed and overjoyed at the tiniest mundane things.  Do you ever long to go back to it?  Well being a mom is just that.  You can experience everything your child experiences for the first time with them, and those feelings come back, as long as you stop to notice and absorb the moment.

Let me open up and become a little vulnerable for a moment.
Over the past few months I’ve been descending into a well of sadness…and very aware that I’ve been doing so-still haven’t decided if that’s good or not-but I’ve lost the joy in being a mom that was once there.  I looked in the mirror once, asked myself why I felt so sad and angry all the time.  The feeling and though that arose was “Because I see myself becoming a person I do not want to be.”  Wow, kinda a harsh honest realization…but an important one I feel.  Now that I knew that dilemma, I could help myself repair it.  After all “you cannot fix what you do not know is broken.”

So I’ve been healing myself (in many ways,  but I’ll just mention a couple)

1-) The top of the list has to be scripture reading (not because that’s just what people think good little LDS girls do), because it WORKS, reading the Book of Mormon REALLY WORKS!  Even if it just for 3 minutes, even if I can’t do it while peacefully alone, I do it, and it does wonders.
I’ve been in the routine of waking up with Harley, laying back on the couch with her on my lap, cuddled up with a blanket, and holding the Book of Mormon on my lap

2-) Next is YOGA, and going to the gym.  But Yoga has been the main kicker.  I was a total yogi before I got married and had kids.  I love getting back into it.  I’m a total hippy at heart, and I love it!  Just after going to two classes, I feel more nourished, more alive, and calmer overall.

Calm allows realization to enter.

Because I’ve been more relaxed and happier lately, I’ve allowed myself to slow down and just drink in those moments when Kylie slows down my To-Do list for the day because she want to be held, or read a book, or like today, wants to go play outside.  Harley was sleeping so we went on the playground, just me and her, and instead of being on my phone, or going over my errands for the day.  I just watched her.  How she’d talk to her stuffed owl.  “Good job owl.  Oh be careful.  It’s ok, I got you”  (You can learn a lot about your parenting by the way if you just watch how your children speak to their toys haha).  We jumped on the trampoline.  Sat on the swings.  Laughed as we flew down the slides.  I loved watching her get so excited about everything, I found myself getting excited about everything.  I felt so carefree and childlike.  The words tot he Winnie The Pooh song popped in my head.
Then as we headed back to the house, she grabbed my hand and started singing 😀

Slow down mamas, BE with your little people.  It’s liberating.



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